


Urinetown One-Shots

by kkachhoww



Category: Urinetown: The Musical - Hollmann/Kotis
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, idk this is for my server, its just something i thought of in class
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-11 21:18:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17454491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkachhoww/pseuds/kkachhoww
Summary: just,,, an anthology





	1. Money!

**Author's Note:**

> this is so bad okay

  "I'm telling you, McQueen, Cladwell is scamming us both!"

  "No he's not, Senator! He cares too much about us to do that!"

  They have this arguement every payday. Fipp swears up and down that he's not getting paid enough, and McQueen dutifully disagrees. But this time, Fipp needed something other than an argument. 

  "Okay, if I'm just raving, riddle me this: have you gotten a raise since the Stink Years, Mr. McQueen?" Fipp asks with a raised brow.

  McQueen doesn't answer, instead pondering on the question. It takes him a second for it to click in his mind that--

  "--The UGC wasn't founded until AFTER the Stink Years!" His arms move from being crossed to resting on his hips with his foot tapping. "Senator, are you trying to play me for a fool?"

  Fipp laughs nervously. He learned the hard way not to underestimate McQueen. That man, although not very intimidating, knew just how to prove himself through means other than violence. If you dare say something along the lines of "McQueen can't cook!" or "McQueen can't dance", he'll be in the kitchen cooking up a quiche or at the ballroom learning how to salsa.

  "No, no, of course not!" Fipp raises his hands up in defense. "But, even then, have you?"

  "No of course not! And that's because all of our extra money go towards our staff vacation trips, which I don't see you protesting, Mr. 'I-Bought-A-Coconut-Bra-In-Hawaii'." McQueen wasn't having any of Fipp's complaining today. But, then again, when was he to love complaining?

  "McQueen--you know I only want the best for you! We're the same person, you and I, it's only fair we get paid good money!" Fipp was trying to awkwardly charm the shorter of the two. It wasn't really working, and the senator could tell. "If you ask me, Milo, you should be earning more than me."

Milo? Nobody in the UGC ever uses their first names. It wasn't a punishable offence, it was just something rarely spoken, as it made someone feel important and nobody was as important as Mr. Cladwell.

McQueen, who was already turning to walk away at this point, stops in his tracks at the utterance of his name. He slowly turns around to face Fipp, a look of annoyance on his face.

"Okay, Fipp, what do you want? I know now you aren't just complaining about money. What do you really want?" 

His words were sharp, very much unlike the sing-song "I must please everyone" attitude he had at work. Fipp didn't know what came over McQueen--did he irritate him that bad to the point he snapped? To be fair, he did. McQueen could only take so much from a person who wasn't Cladwell.

Fipp has to quickly recover from that, however, replying with a "Well, we should become friends, Milo" in a chipper voice.

McQueen raises an eyebrow. "Okay Samuel, why do you want to become friends?"

"Because... maybe we could become a dynamic duo? Partners in crime?" There is an awkward smile from Fipp. 

The entire staff knows Fipp is a sleazeball. He hits on everyone who he finds attractive. McQueen knew this. There were many times he had to counsel Ms. Millennium after an odd encounter with Fipp. Let's just say, Fipp was one to give hugs to people without consent. 

But, McQueen feels bad for Fipp. It was obvious the guy just wanted a friend that didn't use him to manipulate great masses of people or for bunny metaphors.

"Okay, Fipp," There was a sigh from McQueen, then his signature grin. "I'll be your friend."

Fipp looked beyond happy. He dove in for a hug, which McQueen promptly pushed away from.

"Just...Don't touch me."


	2. You?

"Why are they always here?" 

Senator Fipp scurried into Mr. McQueen's office, shutting the door behind him. 

"Why are who always here?" Mr. McQueen looked up from what he was writing, covering it with his hands so Fipp couldn't see.

"The two goonies--uh, I dont know their names...Uh..." Fipp thought for a moment. "AH yes! Barrel and Lockstock!"

McQueen sighed, rolling his eyes. "They're just here to feel important. The ladies around the office swoon over Lockstock and that just fuels his ego, and I think Barrel just follows Lockstock. They're an odd pair."

Fipp scrunched up his nose in thought. "Huh. Lockstock does seem to walk around the office like he owns it."

McQueen snorted. "You're not wrong. I'm not complaining, though. I love a man in uniform."

McQueen sighed dreamily. Fipp thought to himself, does EVERYONE except me think Lockstock is attractive?

"You fall in love with everyone, don't you." Fipp said, knocking McQueen out of his trance.

"You seem to misconstrue the line between love and thinking someone is cute, Senator." McQueen retorted, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair and accidentally revealing what he was writing earlier.

It had the words "I think I love him" written on it, with the word 'love' scratched out and replaced with 'like'. Fipp dove for the paper, grabbing it before McQueen could react.

"Who is this about?" Fipp asked, holding the paper up. 

McQueen looked scared out of his skin, but he quickly blurted out an answer. 

"Lockstock!" he said, pushing himself up with his desk and out of his chair to grab the paper from Fipp. 

The senator sighed, letting the paper go as soon as McQueen's hands touched it. 

"You're not telling the truth." Fipp said, closing his eyes out of annoyance.

"And you're getting pretty upset that it wasn't you that I was writing about!" McQueen retorted, crumbling up the paper and throwing it away. 

"You're getting defensive, McQueen!" Fipp seethed, his temper raising due to the uncooperative McQueen.

McQueen pushed past Fipp before abruptly turning around an enveloping him in a hug.

"What are you--"

"Be quiet and let me have this moment." McQueen silenced Fipp by pinching his side.

Fipp reluctantly wrapped his arms around McQueen, basking in this small moment until the other broke the silence. 

"It wasn't about Lockstock. I wouldn't write that about him, he's cute but has the hots for Barrel... Well, I would kiss you, but its improper to kiss another gentleman." McQueen was very soft spoken, a dynamic contrast from his typical boisterous nature. 

"It's not--well whatever you say." Fipp sighed with content, squeezing McQueen tighter in the hug. McQueen wasn't having this, however. 

He pushed back from Fipp, straightening himself out before coughing. 

"You tell anyone about this and all the money you get from Cladwell will get mysteriously transferred to my personal vacation fund, okay?" 

"Of course," Fipp responded sheepishly, straightening his tie. 

"Now, get out of my office, Samuel. I think Mr. Cladwell needs you."


	3. Queen Sized Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're stuck sharing a hotel room

“Why did you get put in charge of reserving hotel rooms? You’re an absolute idiot!” Senator Fipp boomed at Miss Millenium, not really caring if he insulted her. “A moron, that’s what you are! Now I’m stuck in a room with  _ one _ bed with  _ McQueen _ !”

Millenium looked uninterested in whatever Fipp was getting unreasonably mad over. She was checking underneath her nails, not caring what-so-ever. 

“McQueen isn’t a disgusting person, Senator,” Millenium replied. “Besides, you aren’t the only ones sharing a bed. I’m stuck sharing one with Pennywise, and Lockstock and Barrel are stuck sharing one as well.”

Fipp had to resist the urge to retort back, “but Lockstock and Barrel would love to share a bed!” in fear of being overheard by the two scarily strong officers. 

“FIne, whatever. But the first time McQueen does something weird, I’m out of there. You hear me?” Honestly, at this point. Millenium could care less. She justed wanted that greaseball out of her office, so she nodded and sent him on his way. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The trip to Fiji consisted of a long flight on Cladwell’s private jet, a game of Uno, and an accident involving a plunger. Mr. McQueen was just glad to get off the jet. He’d been stuck sitting across from Senator Fipp, who kept sending him death glares everytime he looked up from his book. McQueen liked to tease him, so every dirty look received an equally flirty look. However, if this behavior continued, McQueen was going to say something about it. All this needless hostility was giving him a headache.

When they got to the hotel, Fipp pushed McQueen out of the way so he could be the first to the door, thus being the first to the single queen sized bed. McQueen was taken aback, the shove having him end up against a wall near someone else's hotel room door. He groaned, and brushed himself before grabbing his stuff and going to his own room door. He reached in his pocket, feeling around for the key card that wasn't there.

“Fipp, you ass!” McQueen hissed loudly. “Open the door!”

“Sorry, McQueen,” Fipp yelled from inside of the room. “No can do!”

“Why not?” McQueen retorted, his patience running thin at this point. “This is  _ my _ room too!”

“You'll have to promise me that you won't do any  _ weird things _ to me at night, since we have to share a bed!” Fipp yelled once more.

A sigh came from McQueen. “You think very low of me, don't you, Fipp.” He chuckled, leaning against the closed door. “Fine.”

McQueen licked his pinky as Fipp crossed to open the door. As soon as the door was opened, McQueen stuck his wet pinky in the Senator's ear, grinning snidely as Fipp's face contorted into an expression of disgust. 

“I said to NOT be weird!” Fipp boomed, his hands covering both of his ears.

“You said to not be weird  _ at night, _ sir. The daytime is free game.” McQueen laughed, picking up his stuff and walking inside.

The room was surprisingly large. There was a kitchenette stocked to the brim with alcohol and sweets, of course at the request of McQueen. The bed had a stereotypical mint on each pillow, and Fipp’s open suitcase was at the end of the bed. McQueen walked past the suitcase, lifting a pair of comically polka-dotted boxer shorts out of it. 

“Cute underwear,” He grinned, causing a blushing Fipp to stomp over and snatch the shorts. 

“They aren’t underwear, they’re swim-trunks--”

“Yeah, whatever.” McQueen snorted. “We have downstairs neighbors, you know. Stop stomping.”

Fipp rolled his eyes, pushing a grinning McQueen away from his suitcase. 

“You know, this is why I didn’t want to share a room with you. You need to keep your hands to yourself.” Fipp whined as McQueen flopped on the bed.

“Oh, you’ll learn to like it,” He winked, sending Fipp a flirty look which the Senator brushed off. They sat in silence for a moment, McQueen checking his nails and Fipp putting his clothes in the bureau across the room. 

“Hey Fipp?” McQueen broke the silence, putting his arm by his side and sitting up.

“Yeah?” Fipp replied, not looking up from what he was doing.

“Why do you hate me?”

This threw Fipp off guard. He put the shirt he had in his hands in the drawer of the dresser, sighing as he looked up at McQueen.

“I don’t hate you,” He said solemnly. “I guess… I just don’t want to fall victim to your charm.”

_ That  _ was the reason he didn’t want to share a bed with McQueen. He was afraid that he’d fall for the man, that they’d end up cuddling or something, and then an emotional bond would form and then they’d start dating and then--

“Oh. I see.” McQueen’s expression was stoic, until he moved towards the end of the bed. He motioned for Fipp to come closer, to which he reluctantly did. McQueen grabbed both of Fipp’s hands, smiling a sheepish smile.

“So you  _ do  _ like me…  _ a lot _ …” McQueen said, squeezing the other’s hands. 

Fipp returned the smile. “I guess, yeah.”

“I’ve never had someone… like me.” McQueen admitted, to which Fipp scoffed. 

“The almighty confident Milo McQueen is getting flustered over someone having a crush on him?” Fipp teased, his loud and boisterous persona breaking away. 

“No, not at all! I’m just… surprised I guess. People don’t return my affections.” McQueen rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why, I’m amazing--”

McQueen was cut off with a quick kiss from Fipp. It was more of a peck, but it surprisingly took both of them off guard. They were both silent for a moment, until Fipp released McQueen’s hands and backed away, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me--”

“Samuel.” McQueen snapped, looking him in the eyes. “Shut up and give me a hug, you’re too uptight and don’t know when to brush things off!” He scoffed, getting off of the bed and pulling Fipp into a big bear hug. 

“Milo?”

“Mhm?”

“I’m still getting most of the bed tonight.”

“Yeah, whatever.”


End file.
